Macbethage
by Xargan
Summary: If you don't have any knowledge of Shakespeare's play "Macbeth"... this will not make a lot of sense. This is my own interpretation of a particular viewpoint of the play.


Gorgorath: This week on Lifestyles of the Armed and Dangerous, we are taking an Elizabethan view of murder and rampage. With us today is the mysterious Murderer Number 3 from Macbeth. This individual has eluded readers for many centuries, and although hundreds of people have speculated on his identity for years, nobody has come up with a definite portrayal of this character. Today is the day that we hope to at last uncover the great mystery behind the identity of Murderer Number 3.  
  
Murderer Number 3, Good morning.  
  
Murderer Number 3: Call me Ishmael  
  
Gorgorath: Alright Ishmael, good morning.  
  
Ishmael: Good morning.  
  
Gorgorath: Now, your identity has been a mystery for many years. Would you care to enlighten us on who you really are?  
  
Ishmael: Well, I personally believe that who I am is not as important as what I do. I have been many different people throughout my life and I have come to realize that your identity is not as important as your deeds.  
  
Gorgorath: I see. so you are obviously a man of many identities. would you care to elaborate on any of them?  
  
Ishmael: You keep referring to me in the male sense. what makes you so sure?  
  
Gorgorath: Well I just assumed. seeing as you have a beard and all.  
  
Ishmael: So men were the only ones with beards during King Macbeth's rule?  
  
Gorgorath: Well no. there were the witches. You're not saying that you're one of the witches are you?  
  
Ishmael: I do not approve of that term "witch". It is surrounded by many negative connotations, the worst of which being the visual images associated with the word. bearded lady indeed. We appeared that way because the people of the time expected us to.  
  
Gorgorath: Alright, but you do admit to being one of the Weird Sisters  
  
Ishmael: I have never denied it. Nobody ever bothered to ask. not until now, anyway.  
  
Gorgorath: Well then seeing as you seem to know all. past, present and future, would you care to give us your own view of the happenings during King Macbeth's rule?  
  
Ishmael: We never said we were fortune tellers, the people of the time just assumed. If you want a clear and accurate description of all that happened I must ask you not to bring your assumptions into it.  
  
Gorgorath: I'm sorry, it's so difficult when we are surrounded by our society's expectations and morals. Breaking away from what is accepted as normal can be quite a challenge, but I will try my best.  
  
Ishmael: Good. Now, as I said we are not fortune tellers, just extremely good judges of character. And we should be, considering how long we have been around and the number of people that we have seen.  
  
Gorgorath: Wait a minute. how long have you been around?  
  
Ishmael: I don't know exactly. probably around ten thousand years.  
  
Gorgorath: What? How is that possible?  
  
Ishmael: Don't you think we're getting a little off topic? Anyway, back to Macbeth. As I was saying, we are extremely good judges of character and we know what things in particular provoke people and set off unexpected feelings in them. The few years before King Macbeth's rule were extremely boring for us. until we came across a young general by the name of Macbeth. We watched as he was named Thane of Glamis after the death of his father. and we found out he was going to be named Thane of Cawdor after the betrayal of the former Thane. We knew his character quite well and thought we might have a little fun after our long proverbial drought. We met him on his way home from the great war against the Norwegians and "prophesised" that he would become Thane of Cawdor and eventually King of Scotland. His fellow general, Banquo, started abusing us and ordering us to tell his fortune. so we made up some stuff about his sons being kings to shut him up.  
  
Gorgorath: So the whole Banquo's descendants being kings thing wasn't true. and Fleance wasn't crowned?  
  
Ishmael: No of course not. why would he be? Malcolm's descendants were the new kings. Anyway, back to my story. We knew what we said would have a strong impact on Macbeth and so were not surprised when a few days later Duncan was murdered and Macbeth was crowned king. After that, however, things started to turn nasty.  
  
Gorgorath: Nasty how?  
  
Ishmael: Well maybe if you let me finish you'll find out. So as I was saying, we were originally counting on Lady Macbeth to keep her husband in line. We knew what a forceful personality she had and we figured she'd be able to control her husband, but then Macbeth decided that he was going to do things his way and everything started to fall apart. When we found out that Macbeth was planning on murdering his Banquo and his son, we knew we had to try and stop it.  
  
Gorgorath: Why did you care whether Banquo died or not?  
  
Ishmael: We didn't. but if Macbeth had Banquo and Fleance murdered, then he wouldn't believe that our prophecy about them would come true. So we had to make sure that Macbeth still believed in our power to tell the future. We finally decided that the only way to stop them being killed was to be present at the scene of the murder.  
  
Gorgorath: Thus the appearance of the mysterious third murderer.  
  
Ishmael: Well obviously. I contacted the two murderers and offered my services for a small price. They agreed and we all met at the pre- designated place. When Banquo and Fleance arrived I signaled to the others that I would take care of Fleance while they offed Banquo. While their backs were turned, I let Fleance escape and later blamed it on the fact that he was so small and swift on his feet.  
  
Gorgorath: Why did you not try to save Banquo?  
  
Ishmael: Whether Banquo lived or not would have no impact on our prophecy and so trying to save him was a worthless hassle.  
  
Gorgorath: I see. Now, soon after this Macbeth came to see you again didn't he?  
  
Ishmael: Yes he did, and by that time we were getting quite sick of him and his "holier than thou" attitude. He actually had the nerve to come to our home and actually start ordering us around. We decided to build up his confidence even more, up to the point where he would start to think he was invincible, so we gave him another three "prophecies"; two about Macduff and one about the forest near his castle. Even that, however, didn't shut him up, so we threw in another one about Banquo's descendants creating a long line of kings to scare him a bit.  
  
Gorgorath: I see. and these prophecies, like the rest, had no real backbone behind them?  
  
Ishmael: No. We knew about Macduff plotting against Macbeth, as well as the strange occurrences surrounding his birth.  
  
Gorgorath: Those being?  
  
Ishmael: He was delivered by caesarean section due to complications, which these days is quite a normal procedure but back then was indeed quite gruesome.  
  
Gorgorath: And what about the forest?  
  
Ishmael: Well that was actually just a major coincidence. It was Macbeth's fault really. After we told him about the forest he thought he was invincible and he went around telling everybody that he couldn't be harmed until Birnam Wood came up to Dunsinane Hill. Well as you know, many people betrayed Macbeth and went over to fight with Malcolm. They told him about the so-called prophecy and that's where the idea to conceal the army behind tree boughs originated.  
  
Gorgorath: Wow. that must have been quite a surprise for you. And what about that "Bubble bubble, toil and trouble" bit and these so called "apparitions" that Macbeth saw? What was the story behind that?  
  
Ishmael: That whole spell was just for show. we do it every time. It keeps us entertained and other people scared of all this "witch" business. As for the apparitions...that's all just smoke and mirrors.  
  
Gorgorath: Alright. so then what was the reason behind all these happenings? What made you decide you would cause such an uproar and go to so much effort?  
  
Ishmael: Boredom.  
  
Gorgorath: Boredom? Boredom?! You caused the death of a noble and good King, the downfall of a successful Thane and the suicide of his wife, the murder and betrayal of a successful general, the death and destruction of an entire household, the unnecessary death of many good, honest soldiers and just general murder and mayhem. and you blame all this on boredom?  
  
Ishmael: Yes.  
  
Gorgorath: Excellent. That's just the way we like it here on Lifestyles of Armed and Dangerous. Well, that's all we have time for tonight, join us next week for an exclusive interview with Charles Manson. Until next time, "keep up the culling." 


End file.
